My heart hurts....

I have been crying for several days. I even packed a bag and ran away to my mom in law's house. She is my mom and I needed her. Why?



Colton's doctor is back in town, and he met with the team of doctors who are trying hard to help Colton at the hospital. They have all decided, based on everything they know, that he is not capable of change. Medication hasn't helped much, and he is acting out there, and they all say he will only escalate, and it's not safe for us for him to come home. Ever.


I think deep down, we all knew this day was coming. He has been progressively getting worse the last six months, but even though I knew it was possible, I still can't believe it.



We thought he could go to a residential treatment center, and he would learn new skills, and come home eventually. But because of his RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder), along with all of his other issues, there is nothing that can be done. He needs 24/7 supervision... forever.



We only want what is best for Colton. That has always been why we brought him home to be our son. We knew his first adoption failed. We knew he had some issues. We knew love could conquer all.

Why couldn't loving him be enough????





I am so grateful for eternal families. He is sealed to us, and even though he can't be my son here on earth, he is still mine in heaven. I don't need a piece of paper telling me he's mine, or not mine. I am and forever will be his mom.



My heart is broken.






I love you C. To the moon and back, and forever and ever and always!