Admission so far away....

Monday came too fast, yet couldn't come fast enough. It's the first day of treatment for C, and we'll soon find out IF he can be helped.

Wayne and I got up early, and I mean in the middle of the night. We had to drive to the other side of town to pick up C from Sonora Behavioral Health Hospital at 3:30am. He was barely awake, hair messed up. He looked like my baby, fresh out of bed. It took awhile to get him changed into real clothes, sign paperwork, get paperwork for new hospital admission, and then we were on our way....


C and I flew from here to Las Vegas, caught another plane and landed in Reno about 9am. The Willow Springs Center paid for a taxi (airline tickets too by the way), and we were eagerly both looking out the window for what would become C's new home for the next 5 or more months.

I have never been to Reno. It had snowed the night before, so the mountains were covered, and it was so beautiful! There were only traces of snow on the ground, but C was fixated on snow and throwing a snowball. He was bummed he couldn't find enough snow to throw. Lucky me.

And then I saw it, Willow Springs Center, and it was a beautiful building, and all of a sudden all my worries ceased. Just like that. It was an answer to prayer. I hadn't even met anyone yet, or had seen the inside, but it was almost instant, and I knew he was in the right place.

We entered the building, fresh flowers everywhere. Tulips.. springtime. Hope. We sat down with Maria, and she helped us finish up all the admissions paperwork. She was so nice, and instead of crying like I thought I would, ended up laughing with her and Colton. Again, relief.

David was the nurse that day. He usually works with the older kids, but was called in Monday to help with Colton. I was amazed at his patience. It took over an hour to fill out admissions paperwork. Then when David took us to the medical office for more paperwork, C started getting really anxious. Especially when he sat down on a chair full of fuzzies. He became fixated on those fuzzies, and literally had to start removing them one by one. He was still able to answer David's questions, but until he had a huge handful of fuzzies to throw away, he couldn't stop. C was relieved to throw that handful away, and announced, I'm okay now. It was telling.

More paperwork. C started to show his true colors, and I just let the magic happen. You could tell David was used to these behaviors, and worked with Colton to finish up all the paperwork. Then, we took a tour of the building. It was beautiful, and set up for complete safety of everyone there - staff and students. Every door is locked. From classroom, to lunchroom, to time out rooms. Locked. Every door has windows, so despite being locked, you can see exactly what is happening.

There are wings in the building. A wing for the kids 6-12 years old. They sleep 3 to a room. It's nearly full. There is a wing for the 11-12 year olds. This is where C is. There are only 3 empty beds, now 2. I'm so thankful they had room to keep my boy. And, there is the wing with the older kids. It looked full of boys and they were overflowing to the girls wing. Yes, there are girls on each wing as well.

After the tour, we hit the lunch room. It was full of the big boys... loud, but everyone of them looked like someone's son. Some were quiet and kept to themselves. But most were joking around with their teachers and other staff. They were so loud, they lost the privilege of using the drink machine. It has Gatorade, lemonade etc, everything with no caffeine they pointed out. They turned on the machine, so C and I could get what we wanted. For lunch, we had fried chicken, mashed potatoes, vegetables, salad. Everything was home made, and fresh. The kids can choose anything they want to eat, and eat as much as they want. There is always fresh fruit out, breads and lunch meat and cheeses, along with the hot stuff. I was impressed, and even more so when we ate it. YUM! C got full. Yeah. He had lost a lot of weight at the hospital here. Eating mostly apples. He was so excited to see and taste the food.

After lunch, we went down and spent a few minutes on his new wing. He met some of the kids. They didn't assign him a room while I was there, but I knew he'd be in the right spot.

The best part of the day was meeting C's new dr. He is the Medical Director of Willow Springs. He knows his stuff. As we sat and talked, he kept asking C questions, and by this time, Colton couldn't stay in his seat. He was pacing, back and forth, and answering questions. I knew that C was going out of his window at night... that came out in the CPS interview. I didn't know he was going clear to the gas stations and back. When the doctor asked him why he did this, he answered he was bored, and he wanted to tire himself out so he could sleep. Wow. So many more things came out that I didn't know. The doctor asked him about sex, and C didn't want to talk about it in front of me. So, the doctor said okay, we'll talk about that in our first session. I guess there is much I just don't know.

Colton was taken out by some techs to check his clothing etc. to make sure he didn't have any contraband on him. While he was gone, the doctor and I had a chance to talk alone. He asked me lots of questions, and I started crying. I told him this was C's last chance to get help. If he was deemed still dangerous, that we would have to let him go. I told him no pressure, but I need him to work his magic. He said if C just had one thing, it would be easy. Colton has many complex issues, and he said he would do his best. But the person who has to work the hardest is Colton. If Colton wants it, he has a better chance of success.

The doctor also asked to take Colton off his ADHD meds, along with his antidepressant. He wants to get to know C for who he is. He didn't take him off his bi-polar meds, as you can't start and stop those as easily. I told him that he will literally be bouncing off the walls. When C came back in and heard about the meds, he became almost upset. He told the doctor he will get in trouble off the ADHD medication. Colton always told me he felt like his skin was literally crawling off his skin when he didn't take the meds. He was worried. The doctor thought that was interesting. He told Colton that they do this all the time, and that he would be fine.

I really like the doctor. I know he can help C. I hope C can help himself!

I'd been at Willow Springs with C for nearly 4 1/2 hours and he was ready to get into the swing of things. He kept saying "mom, you can leave now". I got the hint. Paperwork, lunch, tour... it was all done, so I told the nurse that C was ready for me to leave. We said our goodbyes in the hallway. C barely hugged me, but I squeezed him hard anyway. I looked in his eyes, told him I loved him, and told him to work hard and get better. He said, "yeah, yeah". I didn't cry until C went one way and the nurse took me the other way. David (nurse) complemented me on keeping it together until C was out of sight. I said, I just thought of all the rotten things he's done, and I couldn't cry. Then, when he's gone, I think of my baby and the soft side of him, and the tears don't stop."

A cab came, and I went back to the airport. Again, paid by Willow Springs. I didn't cry again until I got home. I was incredibly tired, as it was 10:30pm. I probably cried because it was such a long day. I slept peacefully, soundly, and for many hours. The first good nights sleep in a very long time.

I'd say Monday was a great day! It's the first day of hope again for Colton. I don't know what the many weeks and months ahead of us will hold, but I've never enjoyed Mondays... first day back at work, school, after weekends together. But, this Monday was a good one. A first, a new, a beginning.




C.... I love you. I don't miss you yet, but I deeply love the boy I know you can be. I know you are in the right place. I have hope that you can heal. I have hope that you can make better choices. I have hope that you can follow the rules, and make progress. This is not a quick fix. This is days and days of practicing what you are taught. Earning levels, and feeling success. You can do this, I hope!