Mother of the Year

Oh yes... you should all be happy for me. I've been told I'm mother of the year. Why is this not in the press you ask... well, we wouldn't want word to get out, because I'll be bombarded with questions about how I raise such wonderfully, obedient, kind, honest, sweet, loving children.


I'll then have to offer the truth. While I do have some children that are all the above and more, I also have two children who are making choices in life that are quite literally killing me. A mother of the year? Yeah, right.



I always wanted to be a mother. Growing up in an abusive home was difficult, but I did learn what I wouldn't do when I had children. My mom had to work to support us, but when she wasn't working, she was locked in her bedroom reading romance novels. Of course this was between husbands. During her married years, we suffered abuse at the hands of each man, and there have been 5 of them. So... my growing up years were hard. In high school, I turned to strong friends, who carried me when I couldn't walk. I turned to my Father in Heaven for help. It worked. My faith grew, even through the incredibly challenging years. My sophomore through senior years of high school were in Snowflake AZ, and though I loved being in school, home life was horrendous. I finally started telling what life was like... and I became empowered enough to move out of my house when I turned 18. I moved in with a wonderful, strong friend and her family, and they became my family too. I made good choices. I missed my siblings, but I was glad to be out from under the constant abuse.





Here I am now with a child who now says she's moving out on her 18th birthday. She's gone now, has been gone 3 days because she hates her home life. How ironic. Here is where I struggle. She's not abused. She gets every need met, and has a lot of wants met as well. She has a license, drives a car to school, is an incredible athlete, the list goes on and on. We read scriptures as a family every morning, we say our prayers, we eat dinner together most nights, we have a night set aside for our family. We attend church meetings, and activities. She goes to church dances, youth activities. Our home is comfortable, and clean. She is loved tremendously by her parents and her siblings. What am I missing?????








C demands a lot of attention because of mental illness, but we've tried hard to make sure everyone else is not overlooked and given attention for the good they are doing. For her, it's never enough. No matter what we do, it's never enough.



I went from crying for days, to now being mad. I don't want her to come home, only to leave again on Jan. 20th... the day she turns 18. The day she becomes a legal adult. I left the week of my birthday, Feb 7th. Amazing irony here... but circumstances are incredibly different.




How will life be when and if she returns? We'll keep reading scriptures, keep having family night, keep saying our prayers. I can only hope that she'll somehow turn around. She needs good friends... and she doesn't have any. I'll be glad when she goes off to school, IF she goes off to school.



And, I'll continue to wear my mother of the year banner proudly. I'm told often by two of my five how I couldn't possibly ever win this award, as I'm actually a horrible, mean, too strict, awful mother. Does it count that I have three other kids who do love me, even if I didn't actually win the mother of the year award?


Probably not.