Handcuffs....

I wish I had my own pair. I could handcuff two of my kids to their kitchen chairs. To their beds at night. But what I would most want them handcuffed too... is ME!

Seeing my girl in handcuffs after her arrest was traumatic for me. She came strolling in the front door, hands behind her back, and looked... vulnerable... maybe a little scared, but mostly angry! The officer gave her the riot act, and told her if she keeps doing what she's doing, going down the path she's walking, he would be arresting her and not bringing her home next time.






I nearly cried when I saw her in handcuffs... and then my thought was, I want some real ones of those :) I could use them to keep her close to me... forever.








Seeing my baby girl grow up has brought me so much joy. I can watch old movies and wonder where I went wrong as a mother. She's always been so animated, happy, and full of life. It all turned rough her freshman year, and that seemed right on par with life with a teenager. Friends become more important than family, clothes have to be a certain way, free agency - yeah that - becomes all too real. She had two good LDS friends, that both got her into real trouble. They became toxic in her life, so she backed away from them... we gave her no choice. Now again, it's her LDS friends that led her - yes led her - she is such a leader, and all she does is follow, down a dark road again. Now, again, we are giving her no choice but to stay away from these toxic people.





I so want to borrow, buy, (not steal-oh C would LOVE that), a shiny new set of handcuffs, and throw the key away! Then... my baby girl would be attached to me, and could help me serve others, clean, cook, do laundry, be a cheerleader for C on the good days, be a taxi on the dr. days, but mostly just be my friend again. Really talk to me about what she's thinking, and why.









Oh to have my girl back, with a clear and clean mind. I will always picture her when she was tiny, and helpless. She looked vulnerable, a little scared, and oh so ready to be loved. And in handcuffs as a teenager, looking vulnerable, a little scared, a lot angry, and still.... oh so ready to be loved.